The desire is always for a desire
And never just for a thing
All the things you may acquire
But the desire is never-ending
They ask me what India is?
What is the meaning of this waving flag?
I ask them while they sleep during nights
Why men at borders don’t even flicker their eyes?
Living in houses of ice they battle snows
Stopping the bullets headed to your homes?
Now they no more ask me what India is
They are saluting the waving flag!
It’s been a long time since the last post.Though I had expected things to change,and they did,but the core of me is still the same.One of the days I was high and all I could think of was this poem.I wrote it and gave it to the inspiration(of this poem) and disappeared.
I thought all this liquor
Could get me high
Heal the heartaches forever
Take away the pain from my eyes
But now this beautiful lady
Dances in front of me
The sight of her body moving
Feels just like ecstacy
Now the heartache is
Again back with me
Even the liquor can’t make believe
With such a damsel I could ever be
Another old one just to keep it alive.Don’t remember at all why I wrote this.
Future,its so uncertain
Don’t know whats coming
Is there sunshine ahead
Or a dark night,waiting
I ask myself, am I really living
Or just feeding my ego
Spend my time dreading
What if the answer is no?
Because I don’t want to die
While the fire within still burns
Don’t want to cry
About things I could have done
So I speak my hearts out
Forgive me if I seem arrogant
It’s better,you’ll someday find out
Than fake act that i can easily present
Burden of grudges i can carry no more
Forgive me or atleast try
B’cos it’s my time to soar
It’s my time to fly.
Hey beautiful! look into my eyes
They have a lot to say
Your beauty has left me spell bound
So don’t expect my lips to sway
I don’t really want to be offending
But there’s something I want to know
Is there a scar,that you have been hiding
Something you don’t want to show
Searching for ugliness,you may ask why
When you are all beauty
But baby I am an ordinary guy
So perfect,you are too good to be with me
I always thought how lame bollywood films were when they talked about ‘raton ki neend udna’ and ‘tum sapno mein aati ho’ stuff,but it happened to me for real.First few days of vacations were so tough for me,though I had no trouble sleeping but it were the nightmares that had me sweating.I used to have dreams where Rhea snubbed me like she did in the party and I was left begging for one more chance before I could let go.
And to make things more complicated I had my JEE in a week,with not much preparation I was set for a disaster.So I tried hard to clear up my mind and give a final touch to whatsoever preparation I had done in past two years.But it was all in vain,everytime I opened the book I saw her face and saw that disgust.I had began to hate her.I had landed into the dark alleys of depression and anything that could get me out of it was the flame of revenge.So I decided to study hard and ace the exams and show Rhea who she had rejected.
I studied fiercely for whole of the week before the exam and as a result it went great.The next two months,between the exam and the results were spent in anticipation,watching TV and sleeping.I didn’t think much about her during that time,I was sure that I was over her.Only times when she came to mind was when I thought how things will be if I get selected,I just wanted to see that regret in her face.
Finally the day of the result came.I tried not to open my eyes,I didn’t want to get up before it was 8′o’clock.But the summer sun wouldn’t let me sleep anymore.Still I lay still on the bed so that my parents wouldn’t know that I was awake.As I waited for the time to pass, the memories of the past two years flashed in my mind.Everytime I saw Rheas’s face it sent a shiver down my spine,what had I been doing for the past two year?Why was I busy thinking about a girl when I should have been in love with my books?How could I compromise my career for a girl who doesn’t care a speck about me?.Wet in sweat and shaking in panic I prayed to God,I asked him to prove that he existed for real.And I promised him that if he gets me selected then I would never do such a thing again.I wanted divine intervention for this one last time.
My brother came shouting into the room,’bhaiya get up and see the results,it’s 8 ‘o’ clock ‘.I switched on my laptop and opened the webpage,my hands were shaking and I was drenched in sweat,I could hear my heart beat loud and quick.I had barely survived to see the result,I had got AIR 1011.I had never felt such relief before ever in my life,I was on top of the world.All my efforts to stay modest were going to be useless as phones rang non-stop friends,relatives,everyone congratulating me.
All this definitely called for a celebration, my parents had decided to throw a big party,but I couldn’t wait for it,so I decided to eat out with my brother.As I walked on the road along with my brother,I desperately wished that someone would just begin shouting and tell everyone around that I had qualified JEE.I was desperate to cash on my IITian stauts.We went into a restaurant and my attention was drawn to this girl,she was not just beautiful in the obvious ways,but she had something about her, something that made you feel piteous that she was not sitting by your side and even someone high on their success in an extremely tough exam couldn’t fight that feeling.She was there with her parents,I went to table next to hers’ and sat there.On any other day I would have never thought that I had a chance with such a girl but today was my day,I felt I could conquer the world.
I started a conversation with my brother trying to say the word IIT as loud and as many times I could.I had read somewhere that girls prefer security to looks in guys,if I could let her know in some way that I was in IIT then I might have some chances.My heart started thumping as I saw the girl’s mother walk towards our table.And she spoke ”Beta are you in IIT?”.As I heard those word my heart switched to dancing and all my fears disappeared and I dreamt of this lady as my mother-in-law.But my dream was broken as she repeated the question.With my chest swollen with pride I answered “Aunty I just qualified this year”,I could totally figure her thinking in her my that she couldn’t find a more eligible bachelor than me for I was an IITian.And then felt a sting on my face as the lady spoke “Even my daughter qualified this year,what’s your rank?hers’ is 1010″.
The only thing that came to my mind was,’She’s a one damn intelligent hot chick.’
Another one just to keep the blog alive,so please don’t fish for stories there’s really nothing.
I say I love her
Love her more than anything
There isn’t a moment ever
When about her m not thinking
Even though she has said a no
But I still love her
Just a thought of letting her go
Sends down a shiver
Everyday begins with a hope
That guy would do something silly
Wish their relationship blows up
Wish she comes to me
Sometimes even I am surprised
This bad I can be
I want her to be hurt and cheated
So that she comes to me
Feels as if I’ve lost out
To my carnal instincts
But when I look back at my thoughts
No such thing it depicts
Then may be it has come on to my pride
And I don’t want to end up as loser
But as I look back in time
I realize,I have never been a winner
Whatever it may be,one thing’s for sure
When she is with somebody else and she is all smiles
If this smile hurts rather than giving pleasure
Then it can’t be love,it’s an addiction.
I had a boring school life.Though many may say that they also had a very boring school life,but mine was a bit different than the usual.I was the most misunderstood person in the history of the education system.And as negative it may sound but it was not always the case,many times I was misunderstood to be a good person.The reason behind this was my super quiet nature,while my classmates took it for my arrogance and despised me,my teachers loved me for how disciplined I was.If only they knew what was going inside my head and they would have realized that I was full of weird ideas but very confused what to speak.I always used to weigh the consequences before I took any action so most of the times I was standing away from the crowd and looking lost in my world.
It was the same during the farewell party of Class XII,just that this time I had taken an action with much thought and now I was thinking of the possible consequences.Yes,I had proposed Rhea and I did it by writing her a letter.I didn’t have the guts to say it face to face,it’s not that I was scared of being slapped in but it’s that she was too good for me and I would look fool to myself if she stood in front of me.Now I sometimes think how I was not scared of being embarrassed in public but dreaded looking fool to myself,that is how was,my head ruled my life.
Suddenly my mental chatter came to a stop as she entered the hall dressed in a bottle green salwar suit,yes it was compulsory for girls to wear traditional dresses at the farewell.It was just one of the stupid rules of school but I liked it,some how the girls looked a bit more approachable when they wore traditional stuff.But today I was not going to approach her as it was the first time after I gave her the letter that we were going to come face to face.I expected her at least to come to me and answer ,even if it was a no.
For the first half hour we never came near each other as I chose to stand by myself in a corner with a glass of coke.But then some friends dragged me to the dance floor,yes I did have some friends.It was then when our eyes met for the first time as I passed by her side.I was confused whether to smile back at her as we looked at each other,but even before I could decide she turned her face away.I felt a sudden pinch on my cheeks,it was a feeling like never before.My heart starting pounding,I felt I was going to throw up,so I escaped from the dance floor and went back to my corner of solitude.I tried to calm myself,tried to fool my mind telling it may be that she was looking somewhere else and may be she’s going to talk to me about the letter at the end of the party.
Here I was busy sulking and she was also busy doing what she did best,talking.Watching her talk was a spectacle,those glistening lips,hand gestures,it was quite evident that she experienced sheer joy doing this.If you keep aside the looks then ours was a perfect match,she could do all the talking and I’ll listen without ever interrupting her.So I thought if have to make this match a reality then may be I should join the conversation and try to break the ice if there was any.As I walked over to the group,she suddenly became silent and made it look quite obvious that it was because of me.But I was not going to give up so easy,so I tried to talk with everyone around as if I didn’t see that she had stopped talking to me.And as I was talking she left from there with a disgusted look on her face.I could take it no more and so dramatically threw the glass on the floor and got out of there.
I went to the nearest panwalla and bought a pack of cigarettes.I had never smoke before but some how felt appropriate to do it.I wasted a few cigarettes before I could figure out how to light them,and as I took the first puff I started coughing madly. I kept walking on the side walk,coughing constantly till I reached a bar.I decided to go in and have another first time experience.Though I was underage to get a drink but the cigarette in my hand and the a broken heart made me eligible for a drink on grounds of humanity.I sipped the beer as Jagjit’s ‘Muskurakar Mila Karo Humse’ played in the background.The ambience and the song were so perfect,though I was hurt but was a not the normal pain,it was a sweet pain.I was enjoying it and craved for more,I had begun on the path of self destruction.I decided that I stop this before I get addicted to this.And to this I must tell her that I was over her and end this for once and all.So I thought of giving her a poem,but it was in coming years that I would realize that poetry never really works the way you want it to.I wrote a poem on a tissue paper and went back to the party and gave that to her and barged out of the hall without even looking back,knowing that it couldd the last time I may be seeing.
After having celebrated 3 extremely boring new year’s eves in Roorkee we usually prefer to spend the special evenings confined to our rooms,brooding over our choice of college.And what better than Valentine’s day eve to sit alone and curse this college,but this time we thought to get something out of it.We decided that everyone will tell their love stories by turn.As I kept hearing stories I kept on getting to different conclusion and finally to an ultimate conclusion.So I now take you through a stupid but awesome night out.
1.Too good to be true:If somebody happily admits that he doesn’t have a gal then either he’s gay or lying or he’s waiting for all losers to get over with their stories and finally he’ll play the master stroke.
2.1 out of 10:You have to be good at geometry,dance and at picking up the negative vibes.
3.Religion,Caste and Nice Legs:First thing you should ask a girl is her caste and religion.You should also tell her that if somebody says that you said that she has nice legs then they were lying.
4.Love doesn’t see age:It’s never too early to propose a girl.Be it Class I or Class III just speak your heart and be ready with an extremely stupid excuse if she complains to the teacher.
5.You are phodu:I always used to think that love stories were about love,but the truth is that love stories can also be about marks and jee qualification.
6.Play to your strengths:If you are a good writer then stick to gtalk rather than going with phone,no matter even if your are discussing marriage.
7.Sharam Aati Hai Ji: Don’t be surprised if a girl proposes you and then refuses to talk to you because now she feels shy.
8.Silence is golden:Never speak in front of a girl and always try to flash your IIT tag whenever possible,and you will do wonders.
9.Below Poverty Line:If you have studied in a sainik school then plz plz plz plz don’t come to IIT.
And finally : “What Women Want?”
